Self Disappointment

I am disappointed with myself.
Sorry darling.

Personal Quiz.

I have made a personal quiz. Go and click on the link below the tag board if you wish to try it.

王力宏-愛的就是你

Embedded Video

在愛的幸福國度
你就是我唯一
我唯一愛的就是你
我真的愛的就是你

推動才會懂得珍惜
但我珍惜你
傷癒痛就是愛愈深
我不相信

你和我同時停止呼吸
每一次我們靠近
你讓我忘了困惑
忘了所有煩心

我把你緊緊擁在懷裡
捧你在我手心
誰教我真的愛的就是你
在愛的純淨世界
你就是我唯一
永遠永遠不要懷疑

我把你當作我的空氣
如此形影不離
我大聲說我愛的就是你
在愛的幸福國度
你就是我唯一
我唯一愛的就是你
我真的愛的就是你

就是你 yeah
mm 就是你
就是你 yeah
我唯一愛的就是你 uh huh

我唯一愛的就是你
真的愛的就你
愛的就是你

Zai ai de xing fu guo du
Ni jiu shi wo wei yi
Wo wei yi ai de jiu shi ni
Wo zhen de ai de jiu shi ni

Shi qu cai hui dong de zhen xi
Dan wo zhen xi ni
Shang yue tong jiu shi ai yue shen
Ooh Wo bu xiang xin

Ni he wo tong shi ting zhi hu xi
Mei yi ci wo men kao jin
Ni rang wo wang le kun huo
Wang le suo you fan xin

Wo ba ni jin jin yong ru huai li
Peng ni zai wo shou xin
Shei jiao wo zhen de ai de jiu shi ni
Zai ai de chun jin shi jie
Ni jiu shi wo wei yi
Yong yuan yong yuan bu yao huai yi

Wo ba ni dang zuo wo de kong qi
Ru ci xing ying bu li
Wo da sheng shuo wo ai de jiu shi ni
Zai ai de xing fu guo du
Ni jiu shi wo wei yi
Wo wei yi ai de jiu shi ni
Wo zhen de ai de jiu shi ni

Jiu shi ni Jiu shi ni Jiu shi ni
Wo wei yi ai de jiu shi ni

Wo wei yi ai de jiu shi ni
Zhen de ai de jiu shi ni
Ai de jiu shi ni

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Twilight

I have just watched Twilight. Not a bad show. But while watching, many thoughts regarding the story came to my mind. Not thoughts like is this how the book writes it, or is this suppose to end like that. It's more of things like what if I was in Edward's shoes, what would I do in all those situations. And if I was like him right now, what would I do about my situations. All interesting thoughts. Think I would be a bit more at ease if I could do some of the things he could. But for now, we know that it's not possible, probably not just yet. Or is it.

Insanity

Night after night I feel stressed. Night after night I feel demoralized. Night after night I feel more hatred. Night after night I feel more pathetic. Night after night I wonder, why, why does this have to happen to me. The thoughts in my mind, the torture of the same thoughts coming back to haunt me. The images that my mind automatically makes up makes everything worse. I know I deserve eternal suffering for my past sins, but this is just too much. I rather bare physical pain than this. This is not a thought of pain but painful thought. It is not thoughts of suffering, but the thoughts in my mind are making me suffer. My only remedy can only be two things. Both will only be temporary, but one will inflict more pain to others deep in their hearts. When I see her, feel her, smell her, when I sense her by my side I feel at east. Still tortured by the thoughts, but better than when I'm not by her side. When I think about what I want to do, it makes me feel a little better too, but more anger builds up and I am afraid of devil inside me taking over once again. It is too much pain, too much anger, too much emotion for anyone to bare. I feel like I'm going insane. I wonder to myself at times, "Why am I even taking great lengths for this and at the same time letting myself suffer? Wouldn't letting everything go make it all better?" It's an interesting thing to ask myself, yet a simple answer would be love I think. I hope. But then shouldn't love make things better? Shouldn't love open up your mind to your surroundings and let you loose to feel the joys of life? Why is this happening to me. I'm going crazy. Night after night, I lose more sleep, I barely sleep now, and to think that I used to love sleep. For some reason I don't feel like ever wanting to sleep anymore even though my body aches and begs me for rest. If possible an eternal slumber to make the pain go away. But that is not what I want, but what my body requests. I cannot express my emotions fully, as I have said before my words will never make you understand unless you've been through what I have.

To whomever reads this blog, please don't be such an ass and leave F!@#ed up tags. I write this here so that I can express myself and let my friends know a little of what's going on with me as I can barely express myself in person. So if you have nothing better to say, then please piss off!

Days That Have Gone By

So quite a bit has happened since the beginning of 2009. Good and bad. Streetwave is doing well. Seems like we're not as badly affected by the economic recision. Basketball club is doing fine. Ranked 3rd at the moment. School is on hold as I only start in May. Having good days with Milly whenever I'm with her. Other than that, guess there isn't much to say.

Artificial Insomnia?

Wonder if my heading even makes sense. Well artificial is man-made, and insomnia is a kind of mental illness, so wonder if it's possible to have a man-made mental illness. Well too many things on my mind. My body and brain are really tired but I just don't want to go to sleep. I don't think I should sleep. Although someone's not going to be very happy about this but I hope she understands. I just can't help it. This mental state of mine must change, but don't think it will any time soon. How I wish I could just disappear into the wind like dust just for a moment. Let loose and be free of all troubles for a while. Wouldn't that be nice. No worries or thoughts of hatred and anger and sorrow. Life would be peaceful if it weren't for us humans. Ironic, since there would be no life if we weren't around.

Getting Better? Maybe...

So I got to meet Milly on Friday and yesterday after she got back from her level camp. It was a bad experience for her. Was also a bad time for me since I didn't get to meet her for two days. Don't know how that's going to play out in the future. But I think it's just affecting me that much because of the situation I'm in now. I feel like I get a little bit better every time I'm with her, but then ironically, I get worse at the same time. Don't know how long this will drag on. I barely sleep, I barely eat. It's really sickening me. Emotions running wild; anger, sadness, hatred...all sorts. Like a friend of mine says that I'm perpetually pissed. I agree with that, but I think it's more of a natural anger since young. Always anger for as long as I remember, although I do remember a time when I was never angry.

More New Findings

Anger and violence may have become my new best buddies, but evil cold schemes and heartless ways of vengeance is the key to resolve certain pain and hardship. Why I say this is because sometimes that's just how life is meant to be. And while others say "No, there's more...There's always another way...", please don't waste my time if you don't know what pain I'm going through. What misery that has been following me all my life. If you been there and done that and can successfully say that you've found a peaceful resolution, I'm all ears. We humans are just too sophisticated to understand why we act accordingly with certain situations. Sometimes you just got to let go. The way our minds act and think, and the way we let our emotions run, it's so amazing that the human race is still exists. The fact that we have never destroyed ourselves completely is quite astonishing, although we have come to that point a few times before. I say it's only a matter of time before another rage war breaks out.

New Obsession and a New Best Friend

After recent events and a few days passing by, I've come to realize something. What I've have found is something which I had hope would never come to this point since young. But apparently, it has caught up with me. Depression has become my new obsession, and anger is my new best friend. You may think whatever you like when I say this, but honestly, I hope that no one will judge me for my actions and my words as you can never really really understand what I'm going through and how I feel unless you are me or have been through every single bloody damn thing that I have.

Anger Is My Only Resolution

As I have stated that depression is my only expression, I have concluded that anger is my only resolution to this problem. However, this anger of mine is not allowed to blow up the way it should and wants to. So for the sake of others and my dear loved ones, I must suffer even more for all of our sakes. The anger that is bottled up inside grows more and more with every thought I take in. The power to hold it in may not last. The will to keep it steady is dying. Sooner or later, the inner anger will blow up. Like that of a wild beast which lurks around in the shadows at night, sneaking past corners at alleyways, my inner anger seeks revenge, pain, blood, screams of agony, and the joy of hurting. How much longer can I keep this up, I'm really not sure. I just hope that by the time it emerges and shows itself, all those who I care about are far far away. Especially that special someone. To have you see me behave like a beast, like the beast I was from the beginning and since young, it hurts me so dear just to have you watch me with such intense frightened eyes. I hope for the best yet and my worst. Whichever is better.

Depression. My Expression. An Imperfection.

So I've been set into a depressive state once again. The last time I was in such an extensive depressive state, it was about 3 months ago. Think those who are close to me should know why, when, where, and how I was depressed then. I'm able to keep away when I'm with her in the day. But the moment it turns to night and I start heading back home or doing whatever, it starts coming out. I can't seem to hide it forever. It's really painful. This imperfection of mine is really full of crap and deserves no pity nor sympathy. I just wish there was another way.

0600 Hours

It's a few minutes past 6 am right now +8 gmt and I'm sitting in Alvin's living room. Quite comfortable. He snores really awkwardly by the way. So I'm just sitting here deep in thought we things and also wondering what am I doing with my pathetic life. Well anyway will be meeting Milly later after she finishes school. Not sure what we're going to do though. It will be a long wait from now till then.

New Year

So the New Year of 2009 has begun. The year of the ox. Wondering how things will turn out overall for this year. But so far it has been good and bad. I've already experienced a lot of new changes from 2008. Some which I'm glad that has happened and some which I wish that I could change. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a time machine so that we could just go back and adjust things a bit when necessary. But what's the point of that, because life won't be full of surprises if that were too happen. For example, things may turn out really good after something bad. Or turn out worse then expected. I just hope everything gets better. I know it's going to hurt me a lot to try and bare with this one, but I must persevere and move on. I know she must be having a hard time too but we all must be strong at this point of time. Especially me for her sake. Anyway, Streetwave is doing well coming into the New Year. Time to really make it the next big thing in Singapore :D